The High Rates of Divorce and the Impact it has on Children

The High Rates of Divorce
What Impact does it have on Children?

The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world. Its four point nine divorces per one thousand people. Sri Lanka has one of the lowest divorce rates at one point three per one thousand people. Of all divorced people aged twenty five and older fifty five percent men and forty four percent of women have remarried. In two thousand one seventeen percent American wives were in their second marriages and three percent were in their or later marriage.

Many Americans have remarried at least once. Twelve percent of men have married twice and thirteen percent of women were married twice (U.S. Census Bureau). Five years after divorce fifty eight percent of women will remarry. Ten years after divorce eighty one percent of women who were under the age of twenty five had already remarried. Sixty eight percent of all women at age twenty five or older will remarry; a first marriage lasts at least nine years for men and eight years for women. Forty seven percent of women who remarry before age twenty five end their remarriages, compared with thirty four percent of women who remarry at age twenty five or above (Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 2002.) In the United States fifty percent of marriages end up in divorce and sixty percent to eighty percent of remarriages end up in divorce only one to three percent end up in lifelong marriages. Some of the leading cause of divorce is financial stability which in fact is the most common of all for divorce, many couples fail to articulate to each other the amount of dept one another had before the marriage takes place, also spending habits each other might have and pay check information. Infidelity is another common and irreconcilable cause for divorce. Some partners may work through a cheating occurrence at least once, some even allow open relationships but more often than not these marriages fail because there is no communication in an infidel relationship. Sexual dysfunction or lack of sexual relationships is another common cause for divorce because like it or not sexual intimacy between spouses is a major and important part of marriage. This is because humans are said to be biological animals and are driven by desires of the body. Not having a sexual relationship may cause the woman to have low self esteem and frustration from lack of sexual intimacy which almost always leads to divorce. Habituation or boredom is yet another top cause for divorce. This can occur in as short as a few months after the marriage. This cause goes hand in hand with the lack of sexual intimacy, when one partner is unable to become aroused or had other health problems that limit sexual activity and desire. If not communicated properly which is mostly the case this can cause the spouse to misread the problem as sexual disinterest. And last but not least there are major life changes; common for men, but can also happen to women. It’s realizing that one or the other person may want something different in their lives, such as a career, sex life, or even social life. This cause unlike the others is the most hard to resolve, it’s an internal problem of one person so it cannot be solved with the spouse so often unsolvable.

Excuses

Since divorce rates have risen extremely high, researches have asked themselves why the rates are so high. They came up with many reasons why many marriages are being separated every year. The most common ones were financial issues, sexual problems, infidelity, communication problems, children rearing, in-law problems and all kinds of abuse like; emotional, physical, drug, alcohol and sexual. It seems that one of the biggest causes for divorce is financial issues, how that is possible that money can ruin a marriage. Isn’t love supposed to be superior to everything? Most of these causes, or as I call them “excuses”, for divorce can be preventable and fixable. People seem to be finding little reasons to end a marriage.

According to www.buzzle.com, states that “research done on the causes of divorce reveals that, lack of communication is one of the leading causes of divorce.” A marriage is on the rocks when the lines of communication fail. Most people, who suffer from communication problems, do not speak about common things and just leave the other partner guessing on what is going on. www.buzzle.com also states that people who come from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced, since they believe it is more “normal” to them.

Although divorce nothing new, in recent ages it has increased dramatically, but it is difficult to determine what the reasons are while attempting to include all possible factors. In fact, it may be impossible to calculate the exact breakdown of figures regarding divorce trends because of the complex data associated with marriage and family. Researchers have found out that women initiate divorce 2 to 3 times more often than men. Most divorces are preventable. Do not fall into it because it brings a lot of problems into the family.

Ethnicity and Race; Does it play a role?

Other then the “excuses” people make up to get a divorce, I asked myself if any other factors come into play when it comes to divorce. Ethnicity and race might be a factor, but not much research has been done and able to prove that it is a major factor in divorce. The little research that has been done reveals that blacks are less likely to desire marriage and to get married and are more likely to divorce than whites. Mexican American, have higher rates of marriage, more positive attitudes towards marriage, and lower rates of union dissolution than blacks do. Other than that information, not much was able to obtain to prove that race or ethnicities play a role in divorce.

What’s the point?

Why get married? Divorce seems imminent these days. When I was younger and would hear of men just wanting to “shack up” and not get married I would get upset. I thought it was a “macho” thing and that men just used the “not ready to commit yet” line just so they could have their “cake and it too”. However, now that I am older I realize if half the people that got married then would’ve waited; they might still be married.

There are a lot of causes of divorce and one of those is marrying too young. People ate age 23 who marry make up 60% of all divorces, according to fireyourwife.com as cited in divorce statistics.shtml. Statistics show that half (1 out of 2) marriages ends in divorce. In 1988 2.2 million couples married and 1.1 million couples divorced according to fireyourwife.com as cited in divorce statistics.shtml. In 2000 there were over 21 million divorces, according to divorce statistics, in the United States. More second marriages exist today than first marriages and one quarter of all Americans experienced at least one divorce, according to divorce statistics, in the United States.

Divorce seems to be some sort of trend that flows in social groups like a virus weakening the marriages closest to it, according to divorce.contagious.gore as cited in islamicity.com/articles. Also, divorce seems way too convenient and is at the fingertips of anyone just contemplating divorce. For example, there is Divorce.com which states a three step process to getting a divorce which also benefits of “online” divorces. Even several different religions that would never think of divorce as an option are divorcing. This includes Muslim communities. Divorce is hitting them just as fiercely and quickly as non-Muslims according to divorce.contagious.gore as cited in islamicity.com/articles. In the United States the highest divorce population is in Mineral County, Nevada and the lowest divorce population is in Madison County, Idaho according to Divorce Statistics as cited in map maker.rutgers.edu/365.

Divorce never really ends on a good noted. Especially if there are children involved. Couples should really try to work things out before turning to divorce. Science News states that divorce is not green. The really convenient truth is that divorce splits up families and therefore, there is smaller households using up more energy and water according to Science News as cited in Science Daily. So when I say divorce affects everyone, I mean just that.

The Impact Divorce Has on Children

Divorce impacts children in different ways depending in their age at the time of the divorce. Studies have shown that children experience the greatest impact within the 2-3 years of the divorce (nncc.org). Research also shows that the affects of divorce go on throughout their entire youth (nnce.org). Each age group experiences and reacts to divorce differently.

Although infants are too young to fully understand what a separation or divorce is, they do notice how their parent’s reactions towards them have changed (nnce.org). Infants experience changes in both eating and sleeping patterns. This could be due to change in environment and routine (nnce.org). They may also have bowel problems as well as spitting up frequently. Infants may also seem more fearful or anxious (nnce.org) Much like infants, toddlers do not necessarily know what a divorce is; however, they now understand that one parent no longer lives at the home (nnce.org). Toddlers become clingier as well as cry more. They start to worry about any kind of separation. Often, progress in potty training is lost. They also tend to return to baby-like behavior. Toddlers begin to be angrier which leads to more tantrums.

Preschool age children still don’t understand what divorce is, but they have and understanding of their parent’s feelings and that the parents live apart. They now have feelings of sorrow and loss. They begin to have fantasy like stories, such as “Daddy is coming” or frightening stories like, “The monsters are getting me” (nncc.org). At this age children begin to believe they did something wrong that caused the separation of their parents. They also begin to turn their anger inward which leads to them becoming depressed and withdrawn (nncc.org).

Elementary aged children now understand what divorce means. They believe their parents do not love each other and that they won’t be ling together anymore (nncc.org). They now feel deceived and often feel a loss for the parent who has moved out of the house. Elementary aged children usually hope their parents will reunite. The child may also feel rejected by the absent parent (nncc.org). They may also have trouble sleeping and possibly show signs of physical illness (nncc.org). Elementary aged children begin to show anger by acting out and misbehaving.

At the preteen and adolescent age, children have a full understanding of divorce as well as what consists of; however, they usually do not accept it. They feel much betrayed and often may lose trust in relationships in general. They may also judge their parents decisions (nncc.org). At this age children begin to rebel and take more risks, such as experimenting with drugs (nncc.org). The anger they are feeling is turned inward which often leads to threats of suicide. Preteens and adolescents may feel a strong need to align with one parent.

To help children of all ages cope with divorce parents need to discuss just what is happening with them. Children need to be able to open up and feel comfortable with their feelings. Parents also need to try and keep the routine as normal as possible, especially for younger children.